It's confession time. My life balancing skills are flailing...big time.
This month has been a blur. We have been more than a little busy and juggling the return to demands of school, sports, practices...the list goes on as I am sure it does for most of you.
Last week,my 13 year old son commented that Monday was his favorite day of the week, "Because it's the one night of the week when we don't have to go anywhere [no sports practices or extracurriculars for any family member] and we can all have dinner together." His comment did a little number on me. I am the mama that loves making dinner from scratch and sitting down with my brood for dinner with no distractions. But, we have been running here and there so much this month that our evening meal has been getting abbreviated.
Gulp...I can't even bear to admit how many times our local Thai restaurant has been frequented by this family. Let's just say that not only is the phone number on my husband's speed dial but no sooner does he say hello, than the owner replies, "Hello Todd, will it be the usual Spicy Basil, Chicken Noodle, no egg..." I love supporting local businesses but more than once a week is not required.
Another confession...
I work from home. I balance deadlines around my family as best as I can but often times I have to be tucked away in my office while my family is home. This is the least desirable option but something I need to do from time to time. According to my 11 year old daughter, I am ALWAYSSSS working and never have time for her. This statement is far from factual but nonetheless, perceived. I don't want to be that mom. My kids will be out of the house in a few short years. (I dread the idea of packing them off to college already.)
In the movie version of Wilder's Our Town, the character Emily looks back on her life and while looking back at her 16th birthday pleads, "Mama, look at me as if you really saw me." Wow - if that doesn't shake one to the core, I don't know what would!
I feel as if I am constantly trying to strive to find that balance between running on the treadmill and living life day by day. I have never been one to live a rote life nor make the same thing for dinner week after week (let alone in the same year). I balk at weekly routines and barely have a daily routine as each day brings such a diverse schedule. I try to open my life to possibilities but with that openness comes the inability to say "no" or to stop and smell the magnolias.
The fact that my 13 year old was craving time together (let alone admitting it, at age thirteen) made me feel the need to shift our priorities abruptly. If dinner being served at 8:00 pm (last year's bedtime) means being together every night - so be it!
So, I am admitting it here, to my beloved three readers, that I am going to focus more on living in the moment.
- Paying attention (to my kids before they have to ask me, "Mom, did you hear me?").
- Not sweating the little things (like dog hair tufts floating amongst the kitchen tile).
- Spending more time reading to my kids (rather than tidying up).
- Slowing down and noticing the changing seasons.
- Letting go of the inconsequential (again, the dog hair tufts but this time...in the car).
- Taking photos on an almost daily basis in an effort to stop time and capture the mundane goings-on of our daily existence (because I don't want to forget this time).
Most of all, focusing on being present...alert...and looking my sweet loves in the eye...as if I really "saw" them.
Next up...learning how to say no, graciously. ;)
