Now that Valentine's Day is a wrap, and the chocolates and heart-shaped frosted cookies have disappeared, it's time to roll up our sleeves for the real work. It's time to dedicate ourselves to loving our partners with on-going, daily acts of love. It's up to us to continue that loving connection beyond the celebrated love day.
Here's a list of 20 everyday ways we can connect with our partners/mates/spouses/significant others/loves (you get the drift):
1. Before saying goodbye each morning make sure you know one detail of what their day holds that you can follow up on later. The Hubs rocks at this one. He is so good about finding what my day holds (even when I am half awake and hitting the snooze button repeatedly) and then following up later in the evening. It's a great gesture and it means a lot.
2. Greet your mate as if you have not seen them for weeks or months! Watch the reaction you get from a heart-charged reunion. I am admitting I have to work on this one. So often when the Hubs walks in the door chaos is erupting around me. Oven alarms are sounding, someone is whining, the dog is scratching at the door to go outside, someone is inquiring about when dinner will be ready because they are famished, the pasta water is boiling over, the cat is trying to eat the dog food, someone needs to be dropped off or picked up at a sports practice five minutes ago, a phone is chiming a reminder that I was supposed to be at the said practice five minutes ago and the laundry dryer just finished the cycle and clothes need to be folded (because it is the third time I have hit "20 minutes more" so the wrinkles didn't set in the first three times the dryer finished). Needless to say, kissing the Hubs upon his arrival can often be a frantic half-side kiss instead of the lip smack that I would have liked to have planted. But on those days when I stop everything, focus, pause, and celebrate his home with an eye-locked, passionate (I mean it), relieved and so-excited-you-are-here with a kiss to match - it works.
3. Discover a unique way to provide genuine affection and appreciation whether you leave a little love note, paste their toothbrush, make their coffee/tea, pack their lunch, warm their shower/bath water, send a "thinking of you" text message or e-mail - figure out a way to take that little extra step to acknowledge, prepare or provide closure to their day.
4. Kiss every night just because...without reason...beyond the obligatory goodnight kiss or beyond the welcome home greeting.
5. Go outside of your comfort zone and try an activity that your partner loves but you may be reluctant to participate in. I attend a Club Dance class at our gym that predominately attracts females (but there are ALWAYS men too). I had really wanted the Hubs to join me. I assured him that the lights were dimmed and no one would even be able to see him in the class. Mind you, the Hubs is a great dancer. (We even won a dance contest together...but that is a crazy, side story and you must know that we aren't really that great but we were having the most fun and didn't take the contest as seriously as our competition, so we probably won because we were goofy/silly and not out for blood.) But, the Hubs didn't want to attend the class. I assured him that the class is so packed that no one can even focus on another and it is all we can do to keep up with dance instructor, Wesley. So, for my birthday, I convinced the Hubs to join me (because I told him that is what I REALLY wanted and everyone gets one day a year to call the shots, right?) So, he went. He did great. And he probably won't admit it, but he was dripping with sweat because it really is an intense workout (and I think he liked it)! Next up, I am sure he has me slated to go paintballing with him...and I will go (and probably love it)!
6. Dedicate at least one day a week to a weekly "date night" or dedicated "date time" with at least two hours of time spent with your mate. Our weekly date nights have morphed into date nights at the gym although we get our time to talk while decompressing in the hot tub post workout or between sets/reps.
This movie made for a lovely date night!
7. Figure out your mate's "love language" as described by Gary Chapman and try to find one way to shower your love with their "love language" with "acts of service", "gifts", "words of affirmation", "physical touch" or "quality time". This is such a simple premise once you know which of the five love languages your mate resonates with and you will be on your way to effectively expressing love to your mate.
8. Hug for more than just the obligatory greeting or exit type of hug. Doesn't that feel good from your head down to your toes?
We are huggers.
9. Ask your mate to share one bump and one jump of the day (one bad thing, one good thing) and listen...really listen to their response.
1o. Walk in their shoes. Imagine yourself in their routine, their job and their day.
11. Tell your mate what you like about them. One thing. Every day. When you start looking for something new each day, you will call attention and start tuning into the qualities you admire but may never comment on. Last night, I commented on how handsome the Hubs was as he sat immersed reading a Colin Powell book on leadership with his glasses that only make an appearance when he reads. I meant it. He beamed and it melted me.
12. Express yourself so that your partner knows what it is you mean, clearly, without question.
13. Explore a new way of experiencing closeness, affection and intimacy - beyond the everyday.
14. Cook a meal together. There is something about working in the kitchen together with music (like love songs from this list) playing in the background that I just love. Maybe it won't be cooking together for you but working on a project, painting a room or planting a garden together.
15. Celebrate the differences between you and your partner and relish in the fact that you are not identical. Find ways to learn from each other.
16. Get silly! There is something to be said for stripping away your ego and acting foolishly. In drama classes, one of the first acting projects is often centered on dramatizing an embarrassing moment or something that would make you cringe if you saw someone else doing the action. The result of the activity could lead to laughing together uncontrollably, or feeling safe enough with your partner to feeling totally vulnerable.
17. Share your dreams with your partner. Incorporate each other's dreams into a vision of your future together. Dreams change over time. Check in with your partner regularly to find out what they imagine for the future. Talk about ways you can support each other reaching those dreams.
18. Thank your partner for ways they enrich your journey. I can't tell you how often I have thanked the Hubs for cleaning the kitchen after one of my messy marathon cooking endeavors. He knows how much I appreciate it and chances are, he will do it again, knowing all the points he scores from his efforts.
19. Spend quality time together, fully present and engaged in a specific activity, no matter how trivial. Be awake to each other, tuned in and aware. Our lives are so busy that it becomes so easy to be ships in the night (and day). Stopping to carve a little uninterrupted one on one time can be a game changer for many busy couples.
20. Treat each day as it is your last one on earth. (Talk about a shift in thinking!)
This list is just the beginning of ways we can connect with our partners and just begins to touch on ideas - so what are some other ways of connecting that have worked for your relationships?
