Recently, out-of-nowhere, typical to Miss B's blunt line of questioning, my daughter asked me how I am "always so happy". She continued to tell me that her friends had noticed that I was "always smiling". First of all, this made me chuckle because I can think about all the times that I am not happy and what a good snow job I must pull off on those around me. Then I think that there is no way she doesn't know when I am not happy as reflected in my reaction to her not getting up in a timely fashion in the morning, the rolling of the eyes exhibited by the pre-teens and teens in our house, the squabbling and teasing amongst siblings, the complaints about rules...I could go on and on.
But honestly, I am so thrilled that this kid sees me as being happy because SHE makes me happy! I love being a mom to our kids. Of course, parenthood is not easy nor perfect...let's be real. But, wow, I feel lucky to get this opportunity to help steer these kids into adulthood and enjoy them along the way.
So, Miss B's comment made me really think about happiness.
When I am happiest, I am doing something that really matters in the world. Perhaps it is as small and organic as making my own family feel loved or as large as writing a grant that will solve a huge problem for a non-profit changing and saving lives. No matter what, I realize that happiness is a state of mind and only I can determine that happiness.
I remember at one point someone telling me to smile from the center of your self when you were nervous, sad or glum and to pull that smile forward until that smile ended up on your face.
In high school, I tried to always walk the halls smiling, to exude happiness (and as a result, my first boyfriend coined me with the nickname "Smiley"). I think it's next to impossible not to smile back at someone sharing a smile with you. I believe that sharing a smile with strangers is one of the most simple ways we can melt unhappiness, break barriers and open ourselves to inner joy. I think the old saying goes "Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you."
So, what makes people happy?
Alan Epstien, Ph.D., author of How to Be Happier Day by Day believes happiness comes from the attitude we bring to everything we do and every action we take.
The Happy Book author, Barbara Ann Kipfer equates happiness from finding and noticing the little things in life.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines happiness as 'a state of well-being and contentment: joy; good fortune; a pleasurable or satisfying experience; felicity'.
I love this adapted list originally created by Stephen Covey ,
"What Happy People Do Differently":
- Express gratitude.
- Cultivate optimism. See the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.
- Avoid over-thinking and social compaison. Only compare yourself to yourself before now.
- Practice acts of kindness. Selflessly help others.
- Nurture social relationships. The happiest people are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.
- Develop strategies for coping. Healthy strategies that are pre-reheased/on-call and in your arsenal at your disposal.
- Learn to forgive. The only person you hurt when you harbor hatred is your own well-being.
- Increase flow experiences. Flow = the state in which time stands still with no distractions competing for your focus.
- Savor life's joys. Slow it down to enjoy the joy.
- Commit to your goals. Magical things happen when we commit to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.
- Practice spirituality. Recognize that life is bigger than us. Surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest things ever.
- Take care of your body. This is crucial to being the happiest you can be. -Adapted from www.FB.com/TributetoStephenCovey by Marc
When I was fresh out of college and enjoying the beginning of my career, this horoscope was printed and it's been saved in a journal over the years:
Enjoy what's yours already. Family, a great job, love from your friends - all of these things (and others!) are what give you simple happiness every day.
A few of my favorite happy things:
- Spending quality time with my family and friends (I know it's cliche but it's my number one)
- Wiggling my toes in warm, sandy beaches (there was ice on the deck this morning)
- Finishing a day feeling that I've made a difference
- Hearing my children laughing together
- Working out, especially dancing, and pushing my body
- Cooking and baking for others and taste-testing new recipes
- Loving others and feeling loved - I also love "love" and romance.
- Reading cookbooks, cooking magazines or recipes snuggled in bed
- Packages delivered to my doorstep
- Writing, photography, and scrapbooking allow me to be creative
- Exploring, traveling and escaping daily routines
- Finishing all the tasks on my to-do lists and beating deadlines early
- Knowing I brought joy to someone.
I could go on and on...
I'd love to know what makes you happy?
